Dear Anxiety

Dear Anxiety,

You wouldn’t call us the best of friends, but you sure do know me better than anyone else.

I appreciate those times when I do need you, when there is actual danger around and you flare into action, but who said you are welcome here when I am just going about my normal day?

You are like a teenage girls older brother through out high school, you come with embarrassment, frustration and damn right annoyance. You pop around the corner without any warning, you can stay awhile or you can disappear just as fast as you came around.

Do you know what you feel like? you feel like suffocation, you give the feeling that someone is grabbing you by the neck and not allowing you to breath, I am not sure why you think that is ok. You make my body numb, a feeling of been paralysed, do you find that funny? You give me a feeling of been detached from reality, honestly now you must be playing a sick joke, right? Unfortunately you are not.

Rude, you are absolutely rude, you force me to zone out during conversations, is that fair? No, its not fair on the person I am conversing with and its not fair on me, shame on you anxiety.

You give me butterflies in my stomach and not the kind you get with the feeling of love, the type that makes you sick to your stomach, I could call you obnoxious.

It is difficult to fall asleep with you, you make the mind race, honestly aren’t you tired? because I am; You play an unfair game anxiety, you keep me up to all hours of the night, then you don’t allow me to have a hot cup of coffee in the morning, why? because you don’t like it, just like I would enjoy a glass of wine every so often until you decided that you hated that too, you are cruel aren’t you!?

Telling you to go away doesn’t work, its as affective as shooing off a fly that just wants to stick to you, but I can force myself to breath through you, you don’t really enjoy that do you? you feel like you have lost control, right? Just like when I put music on to ease my mind, even though I can still feel you knock on the door and you are begging to come through, but unfortunately for you the door is shut for little while and the do not disturb sign is hanging in your face, but…

You must get bored easily because you never stay away for to long, you show your face at all hours of the day for no absolute reason, I know you and the feelings you bring far to well, sometimes I can control you and other times you win.

Do I hate you? most likely, but I have lived with you for to long to know what it would be like without you. So,

Dear Anxiety, is it you that hates me? is that why you come about far to often? I am not wishing you to completely leave, I am wishing that you wouldn’t make a guest appearance in my show as often as you do.

Love always your rightful owner

Mary-Rose

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